Seeking Maturity

One thing we often miss about life in Ukraine is Borscht.  Yes, really.  If that surprises you, maybe you've never had a really good one.  The most fascinating thing about it is that there is no reliable recipe, really.  Each woman seems to have her way of making it: a special ingredient or secret method.  I learned to make it myself by watching it made over and over, talking it through, understanding the differences, and perfecting it for the palate of my nestlings.

Going into last week's sermon,  K and I had some really good conversations about what it means to be an example in community.  It's hard, I'm sure you've all realized that by now in your own lives.  As we choose examples to follow, must they be without fault?  Must they be ones, whom we would emulate in every way?  If someone is an example to me, ought I seek to be a carbon copy of her?  I think not. 

I'm beginning to think that in some ways, community is like good cooking.  We share recipes, and we usually follow them.  Over time, however, I realize that maybe we prefer a bit more curry in this dish, or less pepper in another one.  Isn't that how influence should work?  We try things out and see how they fit into our individual families, lifestyles, budgets, stewardships. 

As wife to Lead Pastor, I am just figuring out the uncountable variations of influence I am wielding.  Of the people who are paying attention at all, there maybe some who assume that my behavior is somehow the standard for feminine behavior in our community, that they must do as I do and think as I think in every way - oh my, the pressure and danger therein.  Hopefully there are many who realize that I am just a regular girl in a visible position.  I am always learning, failing, faltering, and growing.  Sometimes I am trying on behaviors I think may be required of a developing conviction, only to decide that I'm not required to carry it forward.

So, what to do?  What if I never wear dresses to church? What if I only listen to hymns?  What if we don't have television in our home?  What if we stop allowing playdates? What if we start having wine with dinner each evening?  What if my kids each have a computer in their bedroom? These are just examples of the sorts of things believers can disagree about.

A few weeks ago, I covered my head during prayer in church.  I don't know how many people noticed, or what they thought if they did.  I do know that it is a habit developed in Ukraine, and still beneficial to me at times.  That particular day I was feeling so distracted and prideful in my heart, I needed a blinder... like the mother's hand on the face of a flighty toddler.  That's why I pulled the pinkish shroud around my head, somewhat thoughtlessly as regards the perception of others.

Do you see what I mean?  I want to be an ever-more-mature and godly woman.  I want to live my convictions with poise and aplomb - never compromising, always discerning; but never judging.  I long to be just one in a spiritual family of sharpening irons.  I want to read God's Word and do what it says.

Dearest Father, may you never grow weary of me.  Make my heart and ears sensitive to the sound of YOUR voice, and guard me against the slithering whispers of my Enemy.  Lord, won't you have Your way in my life, and in my community?  Grant me wisdom and discernment as I live each day under the shadow of Your wings. May I stoutly defend Your ways, and by your Spirit may I be found flexible in my maturing understanding of the same.  Amen.