Ironic

I love Facebook... really, I do.  I confess it's open on my iMac most of the time and I love seeing what others are up to as I go about my day.  I'm sure any efficiency ratings of mine are lowered by my attachment to said community; but I can live with that for now.  The important things are getting done... husband is honored, children are educated, kitchen is busy, house is functionally clean.

What fascinates me is what facebook tells us about one another.  In some cases we know almost nothing about a person besides what they ate for dinner or what's on sale this week.  In other cases we share far too much if we're not careful.  Here's what I mean...

Most often, my FB status consists of what's cooking, a quote from my current nightstand books, links or lyrics to a great song, or other random inputs that are meant to inform and edify.  What happens on a bad day, though?  If I'm struggling in some way, it is tempting to post a status like:

"I hope this doesn't kill me."

or

"I hate it when people act like that." 

or

"Why do I never learn?"

or some other version of ambiguous thought and cryptic emotion.

 Proverbs 29:11 ~  A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

It can be easy to find ourselves in a state of unhappiness or internal uneasiness that we don't quite know how to sort out.  When that happens, one of my besetting temptations used to be in seeking out a sister who would listen to whatever I had on my mind and commiserate with me.  This was comforting, it was validating, and it rarely challenged me to see the situation from another perspective.   That's a problem.  I spent most of my life in this habit, where I have called out to a girlfriend before I called out to the Lord.   I got off the phone feeling better and forgot to take my troubles to the only One who can really change anything.

And isn't that what I'm really looking for if I throw conversational bait, and hope someone will come to my rescue?  Someone to remove whatever burr has worked its way under my saddle?  This is my issue with facebook and its oh-so-slick-and-easy way to splatter feelings on the people around me with a few quick strokes of a keyboard.  

It is as if the status update box said not "what's on your mind?" but rather, "how will you attract attention today?"   For we all know if my status update says, "I hate it when people act that way"  the subtly hoped-for comment is something like, "aw, honey... what happened?", which is a perfectly appropriate response to a hurting friend in the context of a personal conversation in a safe and warm setting; but NOT in the context of a public bulletin board.

So, what gives?  Am I a facebook junkie or not?  Yes, admittedly I am hooked.  The fact is, I genuinely want to be known; however, I am also convinced that Facebook, Twitter, and email are not the place to really know and be known.

I'd like to think that everyone of my 649 facebook friends cares about the inner-workings of my soul.  But they don't.  They can't.  My Risen Savior cares.  My husband cares.  A handful of kindred-sisters care.  Sometimes even all of those aren't enough to assuage the spirit of unrest in me, and those days are best spent with a journal and loud worship music to recalibrate my heart until I can be a blessing to the large community again.

Psalm 141:3 ~ Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.

  

You see my struggle here, don't you?  It turns out to be quite a thing to be deliberate in all I do... I find myself asking if there is not really any room for frivolity and hilarity and fun.  Friends and family may find it laughable that I'm even thinking about this as I am quite prone to gaiety and banter. It is not that I have turned somber and serious in all things.  No, my striving is for a well-tethered godliness.  I want to be wholesomely good company and intentional so as not to regret words that tumble out before my conscience catches them.  I must never be found flippant or manipulative in my speech.

Matthew 12:36 ~ But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

And so the quandary deepens...  Oh, if you knew how I wrestle with this!  As a Pastor's wife who is naturally inclined to extremes, this middle ground is a hard-to-ride horse.  If I post, write, or speak with the passion that is behind my convictions I may be accused of using my position as a "bully-pulpit" whereby I mete out judgment on disputable matters. 

On the other hand, if I DON'T openly share the passion of my convictions, then I have been muzzled by the fear of misunderstanding, which backfires because I can seem aloof and uninterested in the precious people around me, though I love them dearly and am buoyed by these connections.

Much time is spent in thought, prayer, and conversation about this as I wade through the thick irony of sharing these issues in this context while I wonder where I fit now and how to use this new voice of mine.

Romans 15:5-7 ~   May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.